Four Lessons Learned From a Cross-Country Move

File Under: Mixed Emotions

In last week’s article, I told my Substack besties that July was punching me in the face.

The culprit? A round of mysterious major life changes. I tried moving in silence, but have decided it’s not for me. So, SURPRISE! We’re moving cross-country! Again!

This weekend our family officially traded in the roots we’ve planted over the last six years in the mountains of Utah for closer proximity to family and, surprisingly, the beach.

some favorite mems from the last six years :)

We’re very excited. Since before we got married, my husband and I figured that once we started a family of our own, we would strongly consider moving closer to his family. Having our kids grow up near grandparents and extended family is a value of ours that we always knew would take a move on our part.

Author’s Note: We also love my family dearly. However, I grew up in a very rural area without much in the way of work opportunities for our chosen fields.

Excitement noted, I have to admit that the weeks leading up to our move have been a lot—logistically, emotionally, physically, and mentally. “It’s bittersweet” would be the understatement of the century. I have a loooooot of mixed emotions.

Some of my big feels around our move were to be expected. Some have been due to curveballs that were absolutely not expected. But as they say—that’s showbiz, baby.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m generally not a huge fan of change. I’m also not especially good at holding two seemingly opposite emotions at the same time.

But life has a funny way of asking us to do exactly that, doesn’t it? To be deeply grateful for what’s ahead while grieving what we’re leaving behind. To feel excited and heartbroken, hopeful and anxious, all at once.

As it turns out, a cross-country move is basically a masterclass in both of my least favorite things: change...and mixed emotions.

When I moved here, I was a twenty-four year old single girl moving across the country with friends during COVID because it beat my other (very limited) options. I had no job (until I moved here), a car that could house my very few belongings, and no idea what the future held.

some snapchats from the longest road trip of my life (back when snapchat was a thing. is it still a thing??)

My years in Utah gave me a boyfriend turned fiancé turned husband that I love, the incredible daughter that we now share, the kind of friendships that people dream of, a career that I’ve built from the ground up, and a version of myself that I think twenty-four year old me would be proud of. Frankly, I don’t think she’d believe me if I went back and told her where one silly, impulsive decision would lead.

As my mixed emotions and I look ahead at the hazy future of what’s to come post-move, I’m holding onto the idea that maybe in six more years I’ll say the same thing (though this move is less impulsive). Maybe, despite how simultaneously nerve-wracking and exciting this whole thing is, I’ll look back in six years and say “It all turned out even better than I thought it could.”

Now that I’m through playing my world’s tiniest violin for you and shooting confetti in the same breath. Let’s get down to business. Today’s business is the business of sharing with you a few things that I have learned along the way.

1. Everything is Figureoutable

I might not always enjoy what “figured out” means in relation to any given circumstance, but there is always some sort of option. A few years ago, a wise friend told me that what paralyzes us most when we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place is the feeling that we have no options. Her recommendation is to decide that you always have two or three options to pick from. You just have to figure out what they are and decide which way you want to go.

2. We All Have Too Much Stuff

I consider myself to be somewhat of a minimalist. Not in the blank walls kinda way, but maybe a half step above that. If you asked me two months ago if we have a lot of stuff, I would have said no. But there’s nothing that makes you realize how many things are in your house quite like packing all of your belongings into bins and stacking those bins in your garage.

In the last week of packing, we were working with a fraction of our things as the bulk was packed away. I was shocked at how little we could get by with. When finding one specific item requires digging through boxes on end, you get more creative and learn to improvise. Do I really need to dig out a rice spatula when a big spoon works just fine? Does our daughter really need all those toys when she’s perfectly content with a Tupperware container and her dad’s water bottle? Which then naturally makes you wonder…do I really need a RICE SPATULA in the first place?

3. There’s Almost Always Room For Increased Frugality

In the wake of purchasing our first home (yay!!) I’ve become increasingly aware of my spending. I’m not out here throwing money around most of the time. I’d venture to say that I’m pretty budget conscious, but the combination of buying a home and reading The Art of Frugal Hedonism in the process has really increased my desire to resist consumerism where I can and embrace frugality even more. Like I mentioned above, having less access to our things has really helped me assess what we truly need day to day and what we can get by without.

put this bad boy on your tbr!

4. In Seasons of Stress, The Little Things Are the Big Things

Our move has been stressful, and we’re not out of the woods quite yet. I’ve been perpetually exhausted for the bulk of the last two months, mostly from the mental and emotional side of so many life changes. Amidst it all, I haven’t been amazing at things like drinking water, moving my body, eating nutritionally dense food, taking actual time to actually rest, and all of the other things that keep me sane, and I’m feeling it. Do as I say, not as I do. Take care of yourself!!

There are plenty more things that the last two months have brought top of mind—lessons learned and re-learned alike. But I’ll leave you with this:

Life is full of “ands,” everything is figureoutable, and you should probably drink more water.

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Previously on Among Friends…